Ḥasad in Childhood and Adolescent Friendships

The story

The oldest envy in the Qurʾan begins inside a family, among brothers barely grown. Yūsuf, a boy, had told his father a dream of eleven stars and the sun and the moon bowing down to him. His brothers gathered and said to one another, as Allah records their very words: 'Although we are many, Joseph and his brother are dearer to our father than we are - our father is clearly in the wrong' (Yūsuf 12:8, meaning per Abdel Haleem). From that childhood jealousy - the ache of the less-favoured son - grew the plot of the well, the shirt stained with false blood, and years of a father's grief. The seed was small: affection felt to be unevenly given. This is why the disease so often installs itself young, in the sibling rivalry and schoolyard comparison of the ṣabā, and is then carried, unhealed, into the heart of the grown man.

Why it's named first

Childhood and adolescent friendships are structurally fertile soil for envy. The peer-group dynamics, the school comparisons, the emerging social hierarchies, the parental favoritism among siblings: each is a structural envy-prompt. The believer who internalized envy-patterns from childhood often carries them into adulthood; the disease becomes the structural-disposition rather than the situational-response. Parents and educators have a structural responsibility to address envy in children at its early stages.

In the Qur'an

قَالَ يَـٰبُنَىَّ لَا تَقْصُصْ رُءْيَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ إِخْوَتِكَ فَيَكِيدُوا۟ لَكَ كَيْدًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنَ لِلْإِنسَـٰنِ عَدُوٌّ مُّبِينٌ وَكَذَٰلِكَ يَجْتَبِيكَ رَبُّكَ وَيُعَلِّمُكَ مِن تَأْوِيلِ ٱلْأَحَادِيثِ وَيُتِمُّ نِعْمَتَهُۥ عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰٓ ءَالِ يَعْقُوبَ كَمَآ أَتَمَّهَا عَلَىٰٓ أَبَوَيْكَ مِن قَبْلُ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ ۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ ۞ لَّقَدْ كَانَ فِى يُوسُفَ وَإِخْوَتِهِۦٓ ءَايَـٰتٌ لِّلسَّآئِلِينَ إِذْ قَالُوا۟ لَيُوسُفُ وَأَخُوهُ أَحَبُّ إِلَىٰٓ أَبِينَا مِنَّا وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ إِنَّ أَبَانَا لَفِى ضَلَـٰلٍ مُّبِينٍ ٱقْتُلُوا۟ يُوسُفَ أَوِ ٱطْرَحُوهُ أَرْضًا يَخْلُ لَكُمْ وَجْهُ أَبِيكُمْ وَتَكُونُوا۟ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ قَوْمًا صَـٰلِحِينَ

“He said, "O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy. And thus will your Lord choose you and teach you the interpretation of narratives [i.e., events or dreams] and complete His favor upon you and upon the family of Jacob, as He completed it upon your fathers before, Abraham and Isaac. Indeed, your Lord is Knowing and Wise." Certainly were there in Joseph and his brothers signs for those who ask, [such as] When they said, "Joseph and his brother¹ are more beloved to our father than we, while we are a clan. Indeed, our father is in clear error. Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance [i.e., attention] of your father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people."¹”

12:5-9Listen (5) Read 12:5 with tafsir

Svenska: [Jakob] svarade: "Käre son! Berätta inte om din dröm för dina bröder! [Avundsjuka] kan driva dem att smida onda planer mot dig; Djävulen är sannerligen människans svurne fiende! Just så [som du har sett i drömmen] skall du bli en av din Herres utvalda och Han skall skänka dig en djupare förståelse av innebörden i det som sker och ge dig och hela Jakobs hus Sin välsignelse i fullaste mått, liksom Han en gång gav dina förfäder Abraham och Isak [Sin fulla välsignelse]. Din Herre är allvetande, vis." I [berättelsen om] Josef och hans bröder ligger helt visst budskap till dem som söker [sanningen]. DETTA är vad [Josefs bröder] sade [till varandra]: "Josef och hans broder [Benjamin] är vår fader kärare än [alla] vi [andra]; det är tydligt att vår fader felbedömer [oss]. Låt oss döda Josef eller jaga bort honom långt härifrån. Då kommer vår fader att rikta all sin kärlek mot oss; därefter kan vi [ångra oss och åter] leva som goda och hederliga människor."

In the Sunnah

The Prophet ﷺ: 'Be just (i'dilū) between your children' (Bukhārī 2587, Muslim 1623). The hadith is in the context of parental favoritism that produces sibling-envy. The structural protection is parental-justice; the disease is the parental-favoritism that fuels childhood-envy.

The cure

(1) For believers carrying childhood-envy into adulthood: identify the patterns from your youth (the sibling you envied; the friend whose family was wealthier; the peer who excelled in school); convert each pattern with the Sunnah-duʿā; recognize the disease as installed in youth and now correctable in adulthood. (2) For parents: address envy in children early; teach them mubărakah (Day 170); refuse to encourage sibling-comparison; provide structural-affirmation rather than competitive-evaluation. (3) For educators: structurally remove envy-prompting practices from Islamic schools (public-ranking, structural-favoritism, comparative-praise).

What is at stake

Childhood-envy, unaddressed, often becomes the structural-disposition of adulthood. The adult who carries envy from his school-years carries the disease through his career, his marriage, his community-relationships. The adult who was favored over siblings often carries structural-superiority-impulses; the adult who was disfavored carries structural-envy. Both patterns require adult-stage cure.